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You've reached the emergency hotline for boners. That's right I said emergency boner hotline. Men do all sorts of crazy things when they're horny, and sometimes those things can get them into big trouble if left to their own devices. Thinking with your dick means you could possibly do something you're going to regret the next day, and that could get you into deep trouble. Do you know what the number one excuse is that men give when asked, "hey why'd you shove a ceramic lamp up your ass, buddy?!" Their answer? "It seemed like a good idea at the time, and I was horny."

So rather than doing something reckless that could: Get you into trouble at work; get you into trouble with your old lady; get you into trouble in lots of other ways possibly leading to getting arrested.... Call me! I'm a wild and crazy cock controller who loves guided masturbation, and while I do like getting into trouble, it's what I call safe trouble. Meaning you won't forget our time together, and you'll probably get addicted to calling me, instead of doing the really dumb thrill seeking thing you were going to do because you had an erection.

Men are not very good at making judgment calls when they're horny, which is why you need a dominant woman to guide you. And guided masturbation with a specialist is a lot better, and safer, AND after you have that orgasm, you'll be relieved you called the emergency boner hotline instead of acting on that absolutely NOT GOOD idea you had. Sometimes things are better left in fantasy, and having Miss Brighton - the sploshing phone sex expert - guide you to fuck a boston cream pie in your bathtub is way more fun!

Our calls can be geared towards your fantasies, and you can trust that our conversations will be safe and discreet. Meaning no one's going to knock on your door because you stuck your dick in the mashed potatoes while I laughed at you, and then made you eat your cum load with the gravy. What?? I did say I have a thing for food fetishes did I not? I also love phone humiliation and making you spank your ass and cock for me. Sissies are also welcome to call the emergency line because I know you have those late night, mid afternoon, early morning urges. So put down the vacuum hose and pick your phone up, and ask for Goddess Brighton! xoxo


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Are you horny and in need of a Masturbatrix?

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**Calls are $2.99  per minute, minimum of 10 minutes billed to your credit card** – 18+


Intense Urgency Can Feel Like an Emergency


Your eyes twitch and sweat pools along your brow. The nagging sensation from your crotch ratchets up its pulsating intensity, and you feel yourself breaking out in goosebumps. It’s both too hot and yet too cold, too much and not nearly enough. Why does it seem this intense urgency to masturbate only hits you at the most inopportune moments? You are craving sweet release and relief. When was the last time you even got to cum?

Clearly, it’s been too long to even count back to that point. Your head’s all muddled and you miss the feel of the glorious buildup of pleasure. It’s been so stressful trying to figure out why suddenly your own body seems to be in full mutiny mode. You just cannot bring yourself the orgasm you crave. If only you could find a release valve for the tension that is coiling through your cock and ricocheting throughout your fraying nervous system.

You stare at the clock, and your bleary, bloodshot eyes see it’s only 3 am! The idea of trying to go out and attempting to find someone to ease your pain is too tedious and arduous for your sleep-deprived mind.

Why can’t you seem to get yourself off? Maybe because it has been so long since you had a chance to, that now you need a little extra something to aid you in your erotic emergency. Stress, insomnia, and adrenaline-overload can make for a compounding powder keg that keeps bottle-necking up before it can properly blast off and give you the pleasure you need which only makes you even more anxious and unable to achieve orgasmic release in a self-perpetuating cycle of dissatisfaction.


Someone to Call


If only there was someone you could call from the comfort of your own bed and talk to, someone to help you ease the ache and soothe over all the disordered and endless urges coursing through your balls and shaft. That’s just what you need; a sensual voice to guide you through some simple yet effective jerk off  instructions. Is that even possible at this forsaken hour? The wee hours of the early AM can feel like they exist outside of time; technically morning but still dark and dreary with what seems like an endless span before even the hint of the sun rising.

That’s when you get a jolt of clarity cutting through the shroud of brain fog befuddling your senses. There is an easy answer, a way to quench your desperation. Your urgent erotic emergency will be taken seriously and you can find what you need at Horny 911.


Boner Donors and Erotic Emergency Experts


That’s right, at Horny 911, our team of highly-skilled and well-trained orgasm experts specialize in helping you in your most tortuous moments of need. We heed the call at times like this wherein you need a little extra assistance to quell the disquiet of your libidinous desires. Whether you are under distress from self-imposed chastity, need a sexy Femdom Mistress to be a donor for your boner with her medicinal ministrations of sensual and/or strict domination, or if you just find yourself too worn-out, stressed and tense to focus, we are here for you.